I’m not the famous governor, so please don’t write me for dispensations, annulments, pardons, exorcisms, speaking engagements, executive branch ethics exceptions, or creative budgeting techniques.  Just stay in school, learn some good Louisiana flat earth theory, some numerology, some astrology, lots of creationism, some fast talk, but absolutely no volcano monitoring, and one day you can be ... a good sensible Republican voter.  --Faux Bobby Jindal